dear craigslist for-sale ads...

Mad love to you! When the system works, it is absolutely beautiful. Everyone is happy. And it's good for the earth, too, when we recycle things. Of course, there are sometimes glitches, so I've created this handy user guide. Mostly because my husband was all "Would you just blog about it already?" when I was trying to tell him my observations. Kisses, Inky

Hi Buyers!

• Do understand that it's mostly first-come, first-served in Craigslist world. Your seller is fielding multiple responses, so don't ask your seller to "hold" it for you to "come look at." If you already know you want to buy it, say so. It's not a retail showroom, and nobody likes a lookyloo.
• Don't give the seller a detailed questionnaire or essay exam regarding the history of the piece. It is an item. In this condition. For sale. For this much. Here are some pictures. Take it or leave it.
• Do go to appointments. People have rearranged their lives for you. For which they're getting good karma. No-shows? Not so much.
• Don't go to see something and then make a lower offer. That's just bad manners. If you want to offer less than the asking price, do it upfront. Or risk a small fight club erupting.
• Don't expect the seller to load furniture into your car. They might offer, if they are kind and able, but don't be all Hey, dude, a little help here?

Hi Sellers!

• Don't expect buyers to come flocking if you can't be bothered to post a picture. No, your description of a "brown couch, great condition" is not good enough.
• Don't write up an entire saga about how you are moving, downsizing, getting married, divorcing, or selling this for your Great-Aunt Esme. Or how you really love this piece but no longer have room for it, have redecorated it out of matching mode, or just don't use it and think it's time for someone else to enjoy it. We do not care.
• Do use "needs a little work" fairly. If your item is currently in fragments and/or requires stringent detoxification procedures to be safe for human contact, it does not qualify for this phrase.
• Don't list an item as being "shabby chic" when it's really just scratched all to hell.
• Don't try to hype with things like "This will go fast!" Unless you are psychic, in which case you're just doing your job.
• Do look up what a "credenza" actually is before listing your nightstand, kitchen table, or cat as one.
• Don't use "rustic" unless you are referring to the existing style. Your broken cabinet isn't rustic; it's a piece of shite.
• Don't be offended if you receive a counteroffer to your asking price. Craigslist is a virtual yard sale/flea market, not Saks of Fifth Friggin' Avenue. And thank goodness for that.